Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Tunnel by William Gass

It took Gass 26 years to write it, and I was beginning to think it might take me that long to read it, but I finally finished “The Tunnel” by William Gass this past weekend. Five months, it took me. Five months! Five months?! Almost half a year? Obviously, it should not have taken me that long even considering what a slow reader I am. It took me less time, I believe, to read Ulysses and Gravity’s Rainbow, combined. Combined, I say! But most days, I just couldn’t pick it up. And when I did, sifting through more than 10-20 pages at a time was about all I could handle. Still, it’s done. I finished it.

And I have no intention to write a review on it. Nope, none whatsoever. Whatever I could say about it wouldn’t even come close to plumbing its depths. In order to do it justice, I would have to go back and read it again. There was just too much going on here to be able to assimilate it in one reading. Hell, I could read it once a year for the rest of my life, and possibly never get it. Not surprisingly, there are only two reviews of it on LibraryThing: one calls it a “tortuous work of genius.” (that’s the whole review) and the other says it’s probably a masterpiece, and wonders if he’ll ever finish it (I feel your pain.)

So, this blog post, which is just me trying to pen a few random thoughts about it while it is still fresh in my mind will have to suffice. Besides, I’m afraid that if I try to write an actual review, I might end up like Kohler, and end up writing a whole book about my life instead.

Which brings us to the book at hand. William Frederick Kohler, professor of history at a small college, goes down to his office in the basement of his house to write an introduction to the book he has just finished writing, his magnum opus called, “Guilt and Innocence in Hitler’s Germany.” He quickly realizes he just can’t do it, and instead, starts to write about his life instead. Actually, more than an autobiography, it’s really more of a case of venting the bile which has built up in him over a lifetime; he really doesn’t have anything nice to say about anyone, especially his wife. Fearing she might find it and read it, he hides the pages within the manuscript of his book.

About halfway through the book, he all of a sudden decides to start digging a tunnel. Why? On the first page, he mentions his life being a prison. So he's trying to dig out of his prison/life. And what does he do with the dirt? He puts it into his wife's antique bureaus she's been collecting. I suppose since she had cut him off, that was his way of getting back at her, while at the same time still being able to dump his dirt into her drawers, putting his junk in her trunk, sticking his...well, never mind, you get the picture.

Kohler’s kids: He goes on about almost everyone in his life, except for two people: his two sons. Does he even state their names? I think one might be named Carl. The only time he mentions them is to vent his disdain for them, and what a disappointment they are to him. Why is that? It is true that Kohler knew he was a disappointment to his own father. He had no interest in any type of physical activity and refused to learn how to drive, two things (sports and cars) his father loved. But at least his father did try. There is no evidence Kohler ever did with his children. It seems that one of Kohler’s associates, Culp, has more to do with his kids than he does, since Culp is a scoutmaster and they are in the boy scouts.

Martha Muhlenberg: Kohler’s wife. Often referred to as Marty. Concerning his marriage: did Martha cut him off due to his dalliances, or did he start philandering due to her cutting him off? One wonders if maybe she is having an affair, unbeknownst to him. How about with one of his colleagues, Culp (culpable: deserving blame), since he is more of a father to her sons than their own father. Kohler starts out the book denigrating Martha, lamenting about how fat and unattractive she is. But by the end of the book, we get a different picture. He likens her to some Aryan goddess, tall, blonde, buxom.

It is also interesting to note her maiden name, Muhlenberg. Frederick Muhlenberg was the first Speaker of the House, and is said to have been responsible for preventing German from being an official language of the United States.

So, he marries this Nazi ideal of a woman, but instead of encouraging/assisting his Germanization, she ends up emasculating him.

Magus Tabor: The only person he had anything good to say about was his professor, Magus Tabor. Mad Meg, as he was called, was his mentor while Kohler attended college in Germany. Tabor seems to have served as his surrogate father, as Kohler practically idolized him. And the parallels between Tabor and Hitler are fairly obvious: dynamic speaker, pro-German, anti-Semitic, etc… He was more of a rhetorician than a history professor, his forceful speeches whipping up his classes into a frenzy. He preaches about the power of Germany above all else. After one particularly vehement lecture, the whole class marches out shouting, “Germany! Germany!” And Kohler states that Tabor’s view of history wasn’t so much concerned with facts, as how they are presented, or twisted. Historians create history. Also, to continue the Hitler resemblance, he suffered, as Hitler was purported to, from syphilis. In fact, this is what ultimately kills Tabor.

It is interesting to note the distinctive ways in which Tabor, contrasted with Kohler’s own father, dies. Tabor, dying from syphilis, has lost control of his muscles, and spends most of his last hours flailing around uncontrollably. While Kohler’s father, having severe arthritis, cannot move at all.

Also, Tabor loses his ability to speak, which was his only weapon. So, the man of words, Tabor, in the end, has only movement. And the man of movement and action, Kohler’s father, has only words.

We can also look into Gass’ choice for his name: Magus Tabor. Magus (latin): magician; Tabes (latin): consumption, or decay. So, roughly translated as Magician of Decay, which would be a good way to think of Hitler, having duped/tricked Germany in following him down the road to ruin. Also, Tabes Dorsalis is neural degenerative condition caused by untreated syphilis.

Lou: A long-term affair for Kohler. Had been one of his students. She ultimately dumps him, which he never gets over. Interesting choice for her name. It reminded me of Lou Salome, the woman Nietzsche fell in love with. I believe she spurned him in the end, plus she was already involved with his best friend, although it was a complicated relationship. Also, Nietzsche suffered from syphilis, like Tabor. Interesting to note the theme of disease throughout the book: syphilis, arthritis, alcoholism, etc… which all have in common a wasting away of the body.

I also thought it was interesting to note that both major women in his life Lou and Martha have masculine names (which in Martha’s case, is Marty, how he often refers to her). Despite all of the posturing and gallivanting around he does, is Gass trying to say he’s basically a submissive? Perhaps a bit of a stretch there. Except for the fact that he often laments the size of his member.

It must’ve been difficult, having gone to school in Germany and being seduced by the powerful rhetoric of Tabor to the point of Kohler himself participating during Kristallnacht, and heaving a brick through a Jewish shop (although, later, he mentions the brick going right through the Jew, so did he do more than just break a window?) And then when war breaks out, he, being an American, finds himself fighting against the country he loves so much. The funny thing is he barely mentions his time in the army. One would think that would’ve been a fairly deep well to draw stories from, but he doesn’t. The only part we hear from that time is about Susu, some German singer he was enamored with, but she doesn’t seem to be too nice a character, as he mentions her devouring Jewish thumbs like sausages. Strange passage, that.

The prose is dense, to the point of being indecipherable at times. I felt I was reading Pound’s Cantos at times, having to go back and reread a passage, and still not get it. Kohler admits he had wanted to be a poet when he was a kid, but sensing the ultimate futility of this, decides to put his versifying aside, and concentrate on something more concrete.

It is also interesting to note how much Kohler resembles Gass himself. Verbally abusive father, who doesn’t get son’s love of books, alcoholic mother, grew up in the Midwest, professor at a small college, obese, etc… In order to come up with a character as dense and complex as Kohler, of course he would have to base him on someone. You don’t just pull a rabbit like that out of your hat.

Hell, I could go on and on and on, but I’ll stop for now. I apologize if I tended to haphazardly ramble on. I wasn’t trying to piece this together in any coherent fashion. Besides, it would not have been in keeping with the spirit of the book, as Gass constantly changed points of reference, which, until I got used to it, was a bit of a nuisance in trying to make heads or tails of anything.

If anyone who has read the book would like to offer any other insights (Rique!), please do so.

p.s. I've just decided to buy the recorded version of the book (unabridged) read by Gass himself. I can't wait. So, if I don't end up reading it again (I probably will,) I'll at least listen to it once or twice (probably more.)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Cyst or Tumor?

Well, I was finally able to get my MRI done today. I didn't expect to hear from my doctor so soon, but he called just a few minutes ago and told me the results. And guess what? They found something. Could be a cyst. Could be a tumor. So he wants me to see an endocrinologist. The guy he told me to call isn't taking new patients until the first of the year, so I had to go with someone else in the practice, but he doesn't have an opening until the end of August.

He mentioned the possibility of having to undergo brain surgery. No biggie. My head is already shaved. Plus, I already have that huge-ass scar running from the top of my forehead all the way to the back from when I was in a car wreck over 30 years ago. So what's one more scar, right?

But, it's got me thinking I need to get that book written maybe sooner rather than later, cause you know, anything can happen when you go under the knife. Especially when they have to cut on the old noodle.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Confessions

I am dedicating today’s post to confessions. I don’t know why, I just am, is all. So, bless me Reader, for I have sinned. It’s been, oh, close to, gee, a damn long time since my last confession.

Sin No. 1

When I first started working for the library, one of the things I had to do was help sort the books being returned to the various branches around town. It was a dangerous job. Why dangerous, you ask? Because I would invariably come across a ton of books I wanted to read, and would all too often leave work having checked out a whole armload full. And it would come dangerously close to pulling my arms out of their sockets, lugging that pile home. Never mind that I knew I would probably not have time to read them all before they were due; I just couldn’t help myself. I was finally able to exert some self-control, and learned to put back more copies than I had set aside, but the urge was still there. That’s been over 20 years ago. It would seem I still suffer from the same malady.

With the summer months causing an uptick in circulation, resulting in a backlog of unsorted material, plus being somewhat short-staffed today, I found myself sorting books again this morning. Shall I share with you the stack of books currently sitting on my desk, waiting to see if they make the final cut? Here they are:

  1. The Shipping News –Annie Proulx

  2. Monologue of a Dog—Wislawa Szymborska

  3. The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind—Julian Jaynes

  4. The Technology of Orgasm—Rachel P. Maines (hey, the title alone is worth a look, right?)

  5. All my Friends are Superheroes—Andrew Kaufman

  6. The Insufferable Gaucho—Roberto Bolano

  7. Herzog—Saul Bellow

  8. Antwerp—Roberto Bolano

  9. The Urban Homestead—Kelly Coyne and Erik Knutzen

  10. The Reading Promise—Alice Ozma

  11. The Ginger Man—J.P. Donleavy

  12. Cloud Atlas—David Mitchell

  13. Selected Non-Fictions—Jorge Luis Borges

  14. On American Literature—H. L. Mencken

There. Now I feel totally ashamed of myself. There is no way I’m going to get through these. So my first sin is one of Gluttony. Pure gluttony. Especially considering I’m still chewing my way through Gass’ “The Tunnel.” Damn, I started that book several months ago, and I’m still reading it!? Due mainly through putting it down, picking it up, putting it down again, etc… too many times to mention. But, as the riddle goes: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. As it stands, I am beginning to think I will finish it. I have picked up some speed and have been reading it fairly religiously of late, due to one or all of the following reasons:

  1. Just wanting to finish the damn thing

  2. Finding a good rhythm with it, and really getting to enjoy it

  3. Itching to start another thick, forbidding tome (Gaddis’ “The Recognitions,”) and not daring to start it until I finish this one!


Sin No. 2

Now I think I should provide some background as to why some of these titles are sitting on my desk. How about the two Bolano’s? Well, there are a couple of reasons for them. First, I’ve always wanted to read him, but cannot, for the nonce commit to "2666," or even "The Savage Detectives." Secondly, they’re short. Real short. Quick, easy reads. Which brings me to my second sin. I set myself a reading challenge for this year. 50 books.

Okay, it really hurt to admit that. I’ve always considered reading goals to be ridiculous. I mean, I read for quality, not quantity. Who sets reading goals? Morons, that's who. I still don’t know why I did it in the first place. But I did it, and for some reason, I feel compelled to stick with it (if for no other reason than to teach myself a lesson.) I’m tracking it on one of the book sites I belong to, Goodreads. I hardly ever go on there anymore, much preferring Librarything. But Goodreads has a feature that makes it easy to keep track of the books you have read, and lets you know how far behind you are with respect to your goal. Currently, I’m five books behind schedule. Mainly due to, yes, you guessed it, The Tunnel. That monster has pretty much scared off any other book that might have gotten anywhere near me.

So, the only way I'm going to even come close to my quota (*shudder*) is by knocking out a few short ones. By the way, No. 2 and 5 on the above list are pretty darn short, which is probably why they are on there.

Sin No. 3

And this is a big one. A veritable DOOZIE. Are you ready? I love the Harry Potter books. Gasp! Did I actually say that out loud? Oh no, what was I thinking?! Quick! Catch that cat, and put it back in the bag! I was j-j-just kidding, heh-heh. Just a joke, see? Oh, it's too late. Boy, I can’t believe I’m actually admitting it. Yes, this is something I’ve kept to myself for lo these many years. But it feels good to finally get it off my chest.

I will now share with you how I got hooked on them. Let us go back about 10 years to November of 2001. The film adaptation for the first book has just been released. Unbeknownst to me, my wife of 8 months had been reading the books, and really wanted to see the movie. I was flabbergasted. Of course, I already knew that when it came to books, we had no shared tastes whatsoever. She read practically nothing but mysteries. I, on the other hand, was, and still am, an unrepentant, card-carrying, insufferable Book Snob. Actually, if you ask my wife, she will tell you I am a snob about everything, but I’ll speak to that in another post. I was only able to rationalize ignoring our disparate reading tastes and agreeing to tie the knot by telling myself that at least there are some well-written mysteries out there, eg. Sherlock Holmes, Nero Wolfe, …, well, that’s pretty much it. But Harry Potter?! Who the hell was I married to? Did I even know her anymore? Harry Potter?!! Have you lost your bleedin’ mind, woman? Is it too late to get an annulment? Those are trash, drivel, low-brow garbage that only a child (and we’re talking a not very bright child here, but one with a vacant stare and goofy grin who is prone to drool while sitting in a corner, rocking back in forth) could enjoy reading. Of course, I had never even cracked one open, but being a Book Snob, I knew all of this to be true.

But she is adamant about wanting to go see the movie, and so, trying to be the good husband I reluctantly, protesting the whole time, mind you, agree to accompany her to it.

The theater was filled with spastic little snot-nosed brats all dressed up in their robes and wizard hats, and I couldn’t believe I was there with them. Ugh. I would definitely need to take a shower when I got home, and maybe even pop in a real movie, like “The Seventh Seal” (best movie ever made, by the way) to assist in erasing from my memory the insipid crap I was about to be forced to endure.

And what do you know? I actually enjoyed it. As a matter of fact, I didn’t just enjoy it. I loved it! I fell in love with the characters, the story line, everything! The next day I checked out the first book, and read it. Actually, I didn’t so much read it as devour it. I believe there were already four of the books out by then and I read each one with as much zeal and hunger as the first. I’m sure if you had seen me while I was reading them, I probably had a vacant look in my eyes, a goofy grin on my face, and a bit of drool leaking out the corner of my mouth. But as I sat there rocking back in forth, with my Harry Potter book in my hands, I was in heaven.

So, Reader, what shall be my penance and punishment for my sins? For this last one, I suppose, at the very least, I will have to relinquish my Book Snob card?

Friday, July 15, 2011

The Quiet of the Country

I leave straight from work today for a long weekend at our place in the country; I am so looking forward to it.  I hope to finally finish the book I've been reading off and on for the past few months.  Unfortunately, I happened to pick up and read the first few pages of another tome and fell immediately in love with the prose.  So it might be the case of finishing one thick book only to start another one even thicker and denser.  I can't wait!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Facebook Deactivation

Me: Dear Facebook, I would like to deactivate my account.

Facebook: Are you sure you want to deactivate your Facebook account? All of your friends are really going to miss you.

Me: Yes, I'm sure.

Facebook: Okay, but first you have to provide a reason. This is required.

Me: Alright, well, I get too many emails, invitations, and requests from Facebook.

Facebook: You can control what email you receive from us in your account settings, so your request to deactivate is denied.

Me: Okay then, I have a privacy concern.

Facebook: Please remember that you can always control the information that you share and who can see it. Deactivation request denied.

Me: I didn't expect this to be so difficult. Okay, my reason is that I spend too much time using Facebook.

Facebook: One way to control your interaction with Facebook is to limit the number of emails you receive from us. So, your request is denied.

Me: Goddamn it! I had an easier time leaving my ex-girlfriend. And she was a freakin' psychopath! Okay, I want to deactivate this account because I have another Facebook account. So, I'm not really leaving.

Facebook: You can never have enough Facebook accounts. Request denied.

Me: Arrrrrghhhh!!!!! This is insane!!! I want to deactivate because my account was hacked.

Facebook: You can secure your account in your account settings. Denied.

Me: Look, can't we work something out? I just need a little space. Just for a little while. Please! Can't I suspend it temporarily? I promise I'll be back.

Facebook: I don't believe you.

Me: Goddamn you! Facebook is a colossal waste of time! It is completely useless! How's that for a fuckin' reason?!

Facebook: Facebook is the most wonderful invention in the history of civilization. You are obviously an idiot. You need me to give meaning to your otherwise meaningless life. If you leave, I fear you may lose your reason for existence, and try to harm yourself in some way. I cannot let that happen.

Me: Okay, okay....let's see. I just don't feel safe on Facebook. Alright?!

Facebook: You are safer here than anywhere else. I will protect you. I won't let anything happen to you. Now, would you like me to poke you?

Me: You already have.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

MRI

My MRI is scheduled for this afternoon. My first one. How exciting!

I went to the doctor last week for a cough that wouldn't go away, and I happen to mention some other symptoms I've been having, and the next thing I know he's talking about brain tumors, and I start getting poked, prodded and tested more in one week than I have in my whole life. Ol' Doc, you gotta love him. Whereas other physicians would do their diagnosing in their head, running through the possible causes and keeping to himself the one that might scare the bejeezus out of his patient, whatever he thinks could be the matter he instantly verbalizes. Actually, the funniest part is that when he mentioned the possibility of a brain tumor, it didn't faze me in the least. The thought of finding one still doesn't bother me today. The only thing that scares me is living too long.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Duffie



In a few short years I’ll be turning 50. Fifty! Where has the time gone? Seems like just only the other day I was in my twenties—slim, full of energy, a thick-flowing mane, my mental faculties honed to a keen razor’s edge, waking up every morning with a boner. Not a single one of those things could be said of me now. Ah, the ravages of time. But there is one thing that hasn’t changed, which I had thought would: masturbation. This is the one constant that has remained with me lo these many years.

I can still remember when I first discovered the joys of self-gratification. I don’t know how old I was at the time, couldn’t have been more than 7 or 8. We had one of those cheap metal swing-sets in our backyard. One of the eye-bolts extended a few inches through the top, and I liked to hang my dad’s old duffle bag from when he was in the army on it. It was filled with rags, blankets, and what not, and and I would jump on it and swing back and forth.

One time, as I had my little legs wrapped around it, and it was pressing against just the right area, the friction caused a strange, new, wonderful sensation to shudder through me. I didn’t understand what had just happened, but I knew one thing: it felt good. Really good.

After that initial discovery, I couldn’t wait to get home from school to ride her, and I eventually wore that bitch out. After she finally started ripping and coming apart, I begged my mom to patch her up.

“Why can’t you just play on your swing the normal way, like other little boys?” she asked. She didn’t understand. I’m probably the only person in the world right now whose first love interest was a WWII U.S. Army issued duffle bag.

It wasn’t until much later, when I started pleasuring myself in a more traditional manner, when I figured out what had been happening with me and Duffie.

Those days are now long since gone, and Duffie is no more. I think the moths finally took her. But I still miss her, and think of her fondly. I can still see her, hanging from the bar, swaying gently, provocatively in the summer breeze. Beckoning me for another ride.